Friday, March 26, 2010
A Happy Beginning
12:07 PM | Posted by
Becky |
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We've had a long journey. Longer than most, but sadly not as long as some. We have 3 children. Two boys and a girl. A perfect family.
Except our sons died. Born to early for this Earth. They were two of the greatest loves of my life in addition to my husband Derick, my dog Lilo, and my beautiful daughter Lily.
I have an incompetent cervix, you see. It's not meant to carry the weight of any baby, but with the help of an incredible doctor I had a trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC) placed 10 weeks into the pregnancy with Lily. It held until 31 weeks when I went into pre-term labor. It was a very, very long pregnancy. It was difficult in ways that I could not have prepared for or imagined. Most days I made it through by pretending I wasn't pregnant. Most days I prayed to make it through the night without the other shoe falling. Lily was born at 31 weeks and 6 days. She had RSD (respiratory distress syndrome), apnea, reflux, Nystagmus, Erb's Palsey, and severe developmental delays. After her birth I was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression (PPD).
After emotionally missing out of the first 10 months of her life and having different therapy appointments, doctors appointments, and specialists visits, we celebrated her first birthday and Lily started to crawl. Today she is doing very well as a *almost* 20 month old and is preparing to start school in the fall with hopes that she will see the other kids running, jumping, and talking and decide that is what she wants to do as well. It's been a very long road for us.
About a week ago Derick and I had a very open, honest discussion about our family and our future together. We've been at odds lately as the urge to have another child eats away at me and the fear and anxiety eats away at him. While we were both terrified to try again, we cannot dismiss the need to have more children.
That very night we made the decision to stop trying and start the process for domestic adoption. There is a lot that we need to do before we get there, including moving into a bigger place, but where there is a will there is a way and we certainly proved that by bringing Lily into this world.
We are both extremely excited and I think about who or what our baby will be every day. I wonder what he or she will look like or what their smile will look like. I dream, just as I did when I was pregnant, about the special baby that is just ours.
I can't wait to start down this road. I know that it's not easy and comes with it's own set of worries, but we know without a doubt that we have come to know this life for a reason. As irritated as I got after the boys died when people said it was part of God's plan, I now know that this is God's plan.
It just took us a while to figure it all out. Welcome to our Happy Beginning.
Except our sons died. Born to early for this Earth. They were two of the greatest loves of my life in addition to my husband Derick, my dog Lilo, and my beautiful daughter Lily.
I have an incompetent cervix, you see. It's not meant to carry the weight of any baby, but with the help of an incredible doctor I had a trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC) placed 10 weeks into the pregnancy with Lily. It held until 31 weeks when I went into pre-term labor. It was a very, very long pregnancy. It was difficult in ways that I could not have prepared for or imagined. Most days I made it through by pretending I wasn't pregnant. Most days I prayed to make it through the night without the other shoe falling. Lily was born at 31 weeks and 6 days. She had RSD (respiratory distress syndrome), apnea, reflux, Nystagmus, Erb's Palsey, and severe developmental delays. After her birth I was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression (PPD).
After emotionally missing out of the first 10 months of her life and having different therapy appointments, doctors appointments, and specialists visits, we celebrated her first birthday and Lily started to crawl. Today she is doing very well as a *almost* 20 month old and is preparing to start school in the fall with hopes that she will see the other kids running, jumping, and talking and decide that is what she wants to do as well. It's been a very long road for us.
About a week ago Derick and I had a very open, honest discussion about our family and our future together. We've been at odds lately as the urge to have another child eats away at me and the fear and anxiety eats away at him. While we were both terrified to try again, we cannot dismiss the need to have more children.
That very night we made the decision to stop trying and start the process for domestic adoption. There is a lot that we need to do before we get there, including moving into a bigger place, but where there is a will there is a way and we certainly proved that by bringing Lily into this world.
We are both extremely excited and I think about who or what our baby will be every day. I wonder what he or she will look like or what their smile will look like. I dream, just as I did when I was pregnant, about the special baby that is just ours.
I can't wait to start down this road. I know that it's not easy and comes with it's own set of worries, but we know without a doubt that we have come to know this life for a reason. As irritated as I got after the boys died when people said it was part of God's plan, I now know that this is God's plan.
It just took us a while to figure it all out. Welcome to our Happy Beginning.
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